2014 Buick LaCrosse drive review

The only difference between this and China's? Their Buick badge is colored in.

"This is probably the nicest car you've ever driven," promised Jeff Yanssens, Buick's chief engineer, during the introduction of the car he worked on: the 2014 Buick LaCrosse. "I feel comfortable saying that." 

Whoa, Yanssens -- we here at Autoweek have driven some pretty terrific cars in our illustrious history, just sayin'. But Yanssens is basing this on the LaCrosse's utter serenity and comfort -- and judging by that merit, the LaCrosse becomes a car with priorities that are set in stone.

For 2014 everything behind the firewall is brand new, claims GM. (Even the hood-mounted portholes, which now resemble teardrops or falling leaves -- how poetic.) This refresh's theme is tech: adaptive cruise control makes its first appearance on the LaCrosse, and the vibrating seat alert system from the Cadillac ATS worms its way in as well. In the $2,125 "Driver Confidence I" package, forward collision alert, side blind zone warning, lane change alert, lane departure warning, and rear cross traffic alert ensure that the car will beep and honk noisily at you no matter from what direction obstacles come at you. 

Lastly, the interior is restyled, and rather handsomely: the button cornucopia has been eschewed for clean touch panels for the dual-zone climate control. Rear headroom is excellent, the seats softer and better contoured than before. And how does an Ultra Luxury package sound with Tamo Ash wood -- real wood, in fact; what a novel idea -- and dark red Semi-Aniline leather seats in "sangria"? 

Ultra Luxury, ultra lugg-jury.

The engines are the least-new part of this new LaCrosse. Carryover units from last year, one can opt his LaCrosse with a 2.4-liter inline-four with eAssist mild electrification. It's now standard on four-cylinder models. Or, one can procure the 3.6-liter V6 engine, with a stout 304 horsepower and direct injection. Both get 6-speed manual transmissions and the option of FWD or AWD. 

Yanssens boasted of the 2014 LaCrosse: "This rides better than any Cadillac I know." Yes, even the XTS. He would know. He also worked on the XTS. Which, of course, shares the Epsilon II platform with the LaCrosse and Impala, but not the onanism-referencing Canadian slang in its nameplate. If you're wondering, Buick has long since stopped caring about that. 

What's it Like to Drive?

We drove both front-drive and all-wheel-equipped LaCrosses, both with the 3.6-liter V6 -- a test of the 4-cylinder model will be coming soon. The first car was equipped with HiPerStrut, the trick new front suspension setup from Europe that promises to alleviate torque steer and add crisper steering. 

Turns out, it only does one of those. The steering in our front-drive model was dead on arrival: flimsy, slow turn-in, no semblance of an actual connection with the front wheels. Acceleration from 304 hp was lusty, with no twitching up the steering column -- but the 6-speed automatic transmission was flustered even in traffic, and especially on the hilly roads north of Malibu, venturing into Thousand Oaks. The sloppy transmission programming threatens to undermine the smoothness that Buick wants to achieve with the LaCrosse. This engine likes to hang onto its revs after the throttle is lifted, reluctant to downshift and slow to react. The AWD system was a stronger handler around twistier roads, and its steering was tighter -- but it was also aggressively heavier, presumably to impart a semblance of sporty weight. The Buick also rode well in both front and back seats. 

New for 2014, the adaptive cruise control works well but is still confused by cars in the parallel lane. It will lower and increase speeds until below 25 mph, whereupon it sets off more warnings and Klaxons than the 173rd Airborne scrambling for a sniper attack. 

Introducing the new, toothier, 2014 Buick LaCrosse.

It is quiet, though. At 70 mph the loudest noise in comes from the ticking of my extravagant manual-wind wristwatch and perhaps the uncomfortable grunts of the Buick public-relations officer in the back seat. Like Mazda's SkyActiv, Buick's QuietTune -- which imparts double-pane windows and additional firewall insulation -- isn't so much an identifiable option on a window sticker as it is a company-wide philosophy…which makes it harder to integrate into consumer minds beyond a catchphrase. But it works.

Do I Want One?

Problem is, there's a lot more to a car than supreme quietness. And that problem resides neatly in the Toyota dealership across town: the Avalon gives up a few points on quietness but adds much better steering, more capable brakes, and a semblance of acceleration immediately discernible by human senses. A Toyota Avalon, being given the sporting nod? It's a brave new world we live in.

Buick has bragged about its recent sales successes: how its median age has lowered by seven years from 64 to 57, how sales in trendy coastal regions have increased as much as 42 percent, and how most of these sales are conquests from other companies -- including, we'd wager, Toyota. 

And these are all fine and dandy. But the LaCrosse is nothing if not Buick's core product, literally and philosophically: a quiet, milquetoast, smooth-riding, conservatively styled (even if that grille is larger than before, a nod to the psychological theorem that correlates shininess with implications of wealth. Another example: Las Vegas), with core competencies that reside so far away from its lackluster drivetrain that it serves to select its own customers. In that sense, it's simply Buick being Buick. If the Avalon is a little too rorty for your tastes, may we suggest the 2014 LaCrosse?

2014 Buick LaCrosse

On Sale: Fall

Base Price: $34,060

Drivetrain: 2.4-liter I4 with eAssist or 3.6-liter V6; FWD or AWD, six-speed automatic transmission

Curb weight: 3,765 lb (I4); 3,906 lb (V6)

0-60 mph: 6.4 sec (mfr)

Fuel economy (EPA City/Hwy): 25/36 (I4); 18/28 (V6 FWD), 17/26 (V6 AWD)