2013 Lexus LS 600h L review

ASSOCIATE WEST COAST EDITOR BLAKE Z. RONG: I drove all $128,529 of the 2013 Lexus LS 600h L to Monterey, Calif., and San Francisco from Los Angeles, and boy, let me tell you: until California finally reigns in its budgetary problems -- of which I am aiding through copious parking tickets -- and finally builds the high-speed railway system it deserves and will never utilize, there’s no finer way to wind up and down the Central Valley than in this.

A private jet, perhaps. Or a rocket-powered rickshaw.

The LS 600h’s biggest attribute is its utter quietness: at 80 mph the loudest noises are the crosswinds that cause merging tractor-trailers to leer viciously in your windshield. Remember that famous Rolls-Royce claim that the loudest sound at 65 mph is the ticking of the clock? The Lexus beats that -- for starters, its center-mounted analog clock is electric, so it doesn’t even tick. Double-pane windows, electric-motor boost, and a dozen or so engine covers under the insulated hood contribute to the ability to listen to your inner monologue. If you had a chauffeur, you could work on your Great American Novel as you barrel down the fields surrounding I-5 (but critics will say that it cribs heavily from Steinbeck and its characters need to be more fleshed out).

The 2013 Lexus LS 600h L has a luxury interior, and the added benefits of optional multifunction massaging seats.

I drove to San Francisco for a burrito. And when I steeled myself for the six-hour marathon back to Los Angeles, I wished that it could drive itself so I could just sit in the back. The Executive-Class Seating Package ($7,555) features the following: a folding ottoman, a reclining seatback, a sliding lower cushion, the ability to push the front seat into the airbags at a frightening angle, heat and cooling, two-way power lumbar support, three different electric sunshades, a Blu-Ray player with wireless headphones, a fold-up tray table made of finer wood than the side of any 1948 Ford Woody, butter-soft leather gently lifted from the most Olay-bathed of cows, the subtle yet glaring feeling that growing up with anything less than an Imperial Crown Coupe with the Mobile Director option transforms the LS 600h driver into a modern-day Horatio Alger, and a shiatsu massager with six-way controls.

Being the gentlemanly cad I am, I drove my girlfriend around Los Angeles while she tested out the massaging seat. She loved it. “Don’t you think it’s funny that we’re in this thing and we’re surrounded by, like, Toyota Corollas?” she asked.

“We don’t care about the small people,” I snarled.

Indeed, in the LS 600h you don’t have to. The small people disappear rearwards with a squeeze of the throttle, wired as it is to a 5.0-liter V8 and an electric motor that produces a total of 438 horsepower and quiet forward momentum to whisk Executive-Class executives through traffic jams. Silent, unyielding, and imposing, like the alien mother ship from “District 9.”

The 2013 Lexus LS 600h L is equipped with a 5.0-liter V8 hybrid engine producing a whopping 438 hp with 385 lb-ft of torque.

There are many reasons why one might not spring for the full LS 600h monty, namely because it’s a near-$40,000 increase over the LS 460 F-Sport and gets just 1 mpg better. (The next-largest powerplant -- not a hybrid -- is the LS460, at a “paltry” 360 horsepower, 78 horsepower down.) You don’t buy this for the feel-good hybrid friendliness; only the small people in Toyota Priuses care about that. No, the hybrid system is there precisely to reflect why two powerplants are so cool in the first place: you go faster! How does hustling a two-and-a-half-ton Japanese tea room to 60 miles per hour at around the same time (5.5-5.6 seconds) as a Porsche Boxster manual sound? It’s as thrilling an activity as the steeplechase, catamaran racing, space tourism or whatever Sir Richard Branson is doing at this exact moment.

Lesser options are slim. The two cheapest ways to a massaging seat are either the $169 Shiatsu Massage Cushion from Sharper Image, or the $66,250 Hyundai Equus Ultimate. You could presumably put the former in the front seat of both cars, as chauffeurs enjoy no Executive-Class benefits.

Yet, only the Lexus offers available Shimamoku wood trim, which is fun to say. And the Lexus has the enviable quality of mausoleum-like quietness providing occupants with nothing to listen to except a Mark Levinson 10-speaker surround sound system -- which was just OK, and lacking nuance -- and their own thoughts, some of which may include: “Goodness, this steering wheel made from sustainable bamboo feels nothing short of glorious.” Which it does. If such affairs matter to you, a $40k increase over the LS 460 F-Sport won’t hurt one bit.

2013 Lexus LS 600h L

Base Price: $120,805

As-Tested Price: $128,529

Drivetrain: 5.0-liter V8 hybrid; AWD, continuously variable transmission

Output: 438 hp @ 6,400 rpm, 385 lb-ft @ 4,100 rpm

Curb Weight: 5,159 lb

Fuel Economy (EPA City/Highway/Combined): 19/23/20 mpg

AW Observed Fuel Economy: 20.7 mpg

Options: Executive-class seating package including right-rear power reclining seat, multifunction massager and leg rest, semi-aniline leather interior and Alcantara headliner, rear audio controls, heated/cooled seats, power-adjustable headrests, wood-trimmed table, Blu-Ray rear DVD entertainment system with wireless headphones, four-zone climate control with air purifier, power rear door sunshades, rear side airbags ($7,555); trunk mat ($105); cargo net ($64)